Brooke & Kinzee
Gabe, Brooke, Kinzee
Kinzee, Brooke, Brody, Steve
Brody, Steve, Chad, Brooke, Kinzee
Some days like today are bitter sweet. Today I think of all you've missed and wish that we had more days to come.
Some days are harder. Some days I have a pity party. Some days I miss you more than I let myself think I do. But most days I'm fine. I'm numb.
This year is particularly hard. Maddy, my baby girl is the age I was when my world changed, 7. Too young. And I am the age my mother was 34 too young.
Last week I must of been prepping for today. I had my annual pap and then asked the doctor about having a mammogram. It's been 4 years since my last. Friday, I went and saw a cancer specialist. Dr Perreta was amazing. She understood my worries. No I don't have cancer but it worries me I someday might. There is not much that can be done right now while I am breast feeding. When I am finished nursing, I can have a genetic test done to see if I carry the gene mutation. If I do carry it, I have an 87% chance of getting breast cancer, if not I'm like everyone else and have an 8% chance.
Guess I scared the kids, because after the doctor appointment Jack asked me if I had cancer and told me he didn't want me to die. I don't want to die either I said.
So today, I'll give my little ones an extra kiss and extra hug and an extra squeeze. I'm so grateful for the Atonement knowing that the Savior made it possible for me to be with my family eternally. Today is a day to remember, reflect and miss you. I love you, Mom.
